warning: superfluous gushing contained herein. spent 2 magickal weekends with the woman of my dreams.. in complete bliss....well, minus the sunburn and nausea. last weekend, we cocooned ourselves away in long beach. let's see..amenities included: breakfast in bed, massage and scrub at la dolce vita,followed by a trip to "naples" c/o gondola getaways.
she is simply breathtaking...never knew i was capable of feeling this much love, ecstatic happiness, thrilling excitement, joy, and desire for another person. avoiding trite cliches is rather impossible at this point. i'm speechless... giddy.... mystified.
and, this weekend my amazing girlfriend treated me to the most luxurious facial in one of the most delcious spas in la. I highly recommend le petite retreat. From the moment we entered the spa, slipped on the softest robes i've ever worn, i felt whisked away to another dimension....an oasis buzzing with such soothing, relaxing, rejuvenating energy. it was absolutely lovely and i could've stayed for hours.
finished off the holiday with a trip to her sister's for the neice's sweet 16/beach getaway....in love with the family...her nephews are the most adorable munchkins ever. they are so excited by life...nice to be reminded to look at the world through their eyes. only one problem...apparently i seem to think i'm as resilient as i was as a kid and decided i didn't need sunblock... 5.5 hrs of direct sun on anyone, no matter how dark, and they're going to need a little protection... i did finally apply after a couple hours.. guess i'm still stuck in some adolescent phase believing i'm beyond harm. Well, now i have sun stroke.. or some other such ailment where i'm nauseated every couple hours. luckily, the lovely tee took care of me with oatmeal baths and aloe treatments. ;-)
oops...after the concerned voicemail i received today i realized the couple of you who read this and don't see me every day might want an update. i'm me again..lights are on.. someone's home....no more concussion. no more weird growths wreaking havoc.
so, my auditions sucked... i have pretty horrendous stage fright...i might even be phobic at this point. medicating it is getting old and i've decided i'm quite over feeling like i'm about to go into an epileptic fit everytime i sing in front of anyone who has musical knowledge.... it becomes so overwhelming...as if my entire existence somehow rests on their acceptance of my voice... if i sing well, it means i'm ok and if i mess up, it means i'm a failure/ less whole/ less desirable/ LESS. Pretty sad perspective. Luckily, or regretfully (not quite sure yet) i have a voice teacher with a couple schemes to help me overcome the fear. I think i just need some intensive "break your phobia" bootcamp.
auditioning 5 pieces tmw for my june concert. true to form.... i spent most the morning stressing out and much of the afternoon practicing to quell the anxiety. not quite sure what possessed me to vocalise differenlty than i'm used to.. i so rarely warm up as it is..but singing the high notes felt a little easier today, (perhaps it was my amazing voice lesson yesterday when everything was so effortless and my voice teacher finally decided i'm a lyric, not a mezzo) so i got a wild hair up my ass to see how high i could actually go. not the best idea right before an audition... started coughing, sputtering, even gave myself an asthma attack.. not so bright! so, now i'm hoarse and when i sing the line, or try to talk, my voice cuts out and jumps all over the place.. pretty. hit the f sharp above high c though and felt i could go higher. not certain people should be able to make sounds that high. perhaps i'll become a human dog whistle.
yes, i have a concussion. when i passed out, i must have hit my head HARD....from my mini reenactment today, i've narrowed it down to the door latch and/or the toilet paper/seat cover dispenser.
after a week of resting; sleeping, waking briefly only to eat or take more pills to escort me back into the abyss, i'm still concussed. my most amazing girlfriend picked me up from work, brought me to my appt., drove a million miles every night after work to take care of me/nurse me to health. wow... how lucky am I? did i mention I'm head over heels in love?? i'm sure i'll blog about her more...she is absolutely exquisite!
right now though all i can think of is the persistent pain. carrying a bowling ball between my shoulders is getting old. thinking is painful, short-term memory is shot... just make it STOP!