i'm interpreting law school.. yes, that's right.. LAW school. have i mentioned i have no legal experience whatsoever?? then, again how does one get experience for something like interpreting law school without actually doing it? i'd actually be excited about it had i started at the beginning of the quarter rather than 2 months into classes, and were i not trying to apply to grad school by dec. 1. URGH!!
apparently i have a knack for spotting celebrities everywhere i go... i suppose it might have something to do with where i live and work, but they seem to walk right passed me when i'm in the most random places...and it's always stars from my favorite shows. for example, leisha hailey walked by on my way out ofkinkos... she even gave me one of those sly little smiles (you know, the i-am-you-are-one-too smiles). then, the other day i'm standing in line picking up tix to see a movie and the one and only, kate moennig is standing right in front of me. have i mentioned, i'm addicted to the l word.
i'm a little embarrassed to mention this last one, but i just fell in love with the show, and i won't be ashamed to admit it...so you think you can dance. today, while i was walking across the parking lot into starbucks, travis and ivan drove by in their little suv.
said the old lady before she hung up with me....this was for the video relay service gig...hmmm, guess that's what happens when i'm in a butch mood. yay! hormones haven't completely destroyed me. it was oddly soothing...comforting even... made me feel like i'm still me. I felt seen and understood. it's not that i want to be a guy or even feel like a "man." but i definitely feel like i'm "other" inhabiting the space between the worlds in some androgynous land where gender is more fluid. regardless, i thought it a strange reaction; i used to get pissed.
but, i have my limits, and i have no desire to sweat like a pig today...i did enough of that this morning at the hollywood farmer's market. thanks to my love for introducing me!! today was my first time and although it was a scorcher so we didn't stay very long, it was amazing meeting the people responsible for growing the food. it felt good supporting the local farmers, knowing this food really is organic and that it is so much more nutritious than its grocery store cousins. so far i've had an apple and a couple of strawberries and wow!! not only do they taste better, but i'm actually eating more mindfully... probably has something to do with having met the farmers and respecting the work that went into creating and cultivating the food.
miss my zoomzoom :( but, he'll be back on 9/8.
oh.. did i forget to mention i had an accident?? well, i have to admit...every time i thought about it, i just couldn't face telling anyone i'd hurt myself again. having a catastrophe every month is getting old. i'm feeling very 'not fun' to be around.
i was "following too closely." story of my life. i was exiting the freeway when some idiot swerved in front of a couple cars in front of me... they were able to stop; i wasn't. the front car was dented, mine didn't look too badly hurt, and the middle was totaled. turns out, mine had $7,800 in damages. can't really understand why they bothered fixing it instead of classifying it totaled. guess it WAS worth more than i thought.
with my insurance rates skyrocketing, looks like i won't be buying a new car anytme soon.
so here's the deal on the polyps... i'm starting 3 weeks of antibiotics and steroids.. which means i'm going to look puffy and fat, which is irritating since i already gained back almost everything i lost doing south beach. the polyps and sinusitis might go away. yay if they do, surgery if they don't. at least i'll be done being puffy before my first concert.
and then i got busy again...and i wrecked my car. apparently, not only do i need to live in a plastic bubble because i'm allergic to everything, i also need to wear a helmet and cover the bubble in yellow caution tape.
according to some trusted sources, my askew hormones are causing all this insanity. pms hits and i lose all sense of where my body is in space. i trip over everything, i hit my head so hard it gives me concussions and now i get in car accidents.. and conveniently?? the accidents occur exactly 1 month apart. guess it's time to visit the doc AGAIN. need to find a new endocrinologist... tired of driving down to laguna every time i need her. i was afraid i was going to have to convince my body to fix itself since i'd have to stop all medication and doc visits when i received my most recent bills totaling almost $4000 for 3 visits to the ENT, an allergy panel and a CT scan. my asthma medication went from $35 to $200 when i used up my $1000/year prescription allotment. since i spend over $200/month on prescriptions i only have coverage for 4 months. beyond ridiculous!! luckily, i qualify for partner benefits under my lovely and i think they begin today!! i can't even begin to express how exciting that is, and how deeply saddening and disgusting that i live in one of the only countries in the world that won't provide socialized health care... enough ranting. i'm so tired of writing about my damn health or lack thereof... hopefully i'll get all this straightened out eventually and i can actually spend time writing about something interesting.
as if going back to work an 8-hr shift weren't enough, i had to work 2 jobs today. it was actually just like my old schedule, in the days when i would work at the college by day, and video relay by night and it was nice. i love the environment here at night...the people are great... they're fun, laid-back and there are only about 7 of us, as opposed to the 40 buzzing around at top speed during the day shift. hmmmm.. making me consider changing back to nights ;)
day 12 after the bonk on the head: this is what i learned today :/
ent report: ct sinus scan ordered....awaiting results. scope revealed nasal polyps.
first order of defense: saline rinse and corticosteroid spray, nasonex. if the little polyps decrease in size, woohoo! if not, it's under the knife i go. i'll keep everyone updated :)
also have an osteoma in my right ear and exostoses in my left... aka surfer's ear.
i don't surf, but i did swim for hours and hours at a time, in cold water, in the ocean.
i was a fish for the first 16 years of my life. if i had a pool, i'd probably spend more time there than anywhere else.
thank you for all the prayers and well-wishes!
ever had your nose-blowing muscles hurt? i've had sinus problems most my life.. in fact, this nose has polished off several thousand kleenex boxes all on its own and while it's been blown raw on more than a few occasions, i've never felt anything quite like this before.
i'm trying to be calm about my appointment tmw, but i'm more than a little nervous. let's see...first reason: several years ago, while i was without health insurance i went to one of those lovely sit-in-the-waiting room-for-hours-before-anyone-sees-you-clinics [which i was very thankful for since i was BROKE and couldn't afford health insurance since i was classified as a major risk due to my weight, and could only qualify for a plan that would've cost me $300/month... meanwhile, now i can't qualify for anything other than catastrophic insurance and pay over $10,000 for medical care yearly...which is another reason i'm worried about visiting the ent now and getting an additional diagnosis before i have stable health insurance...side commentary over... back to the first reason i'm scared]. they (the clinic) actually did more for me than my primary care physician ever did. i went in for a routine bout of sinusitis and was sent for xrays...seems rather simple, but noone ever thought it might be a prudent measure... before whisking me out with the usual orders and antibiotics, the attending physician made a point to walk me over to my xray, pointed to the sinus cavities and told me there was something unusual going on...some tissue...he was vague, yet adamant i have it looked at by an ent as soon as i got insurance. since my health insurance is a joke, i've never been seen.
second reason i'm scared: 2 years ago mom was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer... this was her second time battling the cancer...and it's amazing she's alive...first time was 20 years before, when they removed a lump in her neck, treated her with radiation, and gave her a clean bill of health even though they "couldn't find the host." luckily, my mother was treated at stanford and they were finally able to cure her! we pray she lives many more years cancer-free. so, i'm scared because i have very similar symptoms to those she had before her diagnosis and according to the research, family members of people with NPC are more likely to get this cancer.
my appointment is at 10:15 am... please send energy/pray it's just scar tissue causing all this havoc and i'm really ok...thanks!
my dear friend's father just suffered a very rare, life-threatening massive stroke and brain hemorrhage last saturday at 11am. he has been in a coma ever since and the prognosis is not good.
pulled from joz's blog:
If you pray, please pray for a miracle for my Dad and our family. If you don’t pray, we appreciate good and positive thoughts all around. And please call someone you care about right now and tell them that you love them.
please hold her, her partner yoshi, and the family in your thoughts. thank you!
where has the time gone?? oh that's right... i've been moving in and working full time.. and then there are all my other commitments... not the most efficient plan... almost all the boxes are unpacked.. maybe some weekend or other i'll actually be able to stay home and work on it, rather than scheduling a million things, keeping me out being the busybody i keep pretending i'm not. although at this point, i would love to feel well enough to be out with friends..doing anything actually, even a drink might be nice (and for those of you who don't know me well, i'm not much of a drinker).
now that i've concluded my rambling intro, which i'm not certain was even coherent considering my state...finally the point of this post...with true jeni style and flare, i decided once was simply not enough, and now we celebrate the anniversary of my concussion with an honoring bonk on the noggin. yes, it's true, i have a concussion again... luckily this one is much milder than the first... but this time, to top it all off... either the bouncing of my brain, or the sitting still induced by the bowling ball head i couldn't lift, caused me to develop a severe sinus headache and of course, a little virus decided to jump along for the ride..unfortunately harmless viruses grow up rather quickly in this amusement park becoming icky, lurking sinus infections...we're still awaiting the verdict.
doc ordered a ct scan... think that's happening next week sometime, and monday is specialist day... beginning with the ENT ending with the chiropractor...since i'm in so much pain already, might as well be miserable.
well... i've never been diagnosed as such, and i was in therapy for around 6 years, so you'd think she would've mentioned something. regardless, i just moved and am trying to figure out how to make my stuff fit into my girlfriend's house so that it becomes our house, but i look around at the boxes and the haphazard furniture not yet situated and i feel completely overwhelmed. i'm about ready to throw out all my stuff and say screw it.
the girlfriend keeps cleaning little areas to make safe spaces void of clutter so when i start feeling overwhelmed i can go in there, see everything organized and feel calm again. there's just so much crap and nowhere to put any of it... well, actually there is space, but all the storage areas need to be reorganized to make room, and the task feels completely daunting. perhaps if i actually had enough time at home i could make sufficient headway. i knew this was going to take time, but in the meantime, i feel totally incapable of making any progress and just want to curl into a little ball and cry myself into a coma. if i could pay someone to come do this for me, i so would.
plus i feel guilty that i can't get more done, which i think just compounds the problem. i'm afraid i'm going to make us both crazy. hopefully i can pull myself out of this funk.
waited around for directv tech all day...supposed to be here between 10-12....called installation dept. at 11am, making sure tech was still coming out since it was raining.. i was assured the tech would be here shortly. i called again at 12:10, when noone had showed and was transfered to the local office in charge of installation. was told i'd get a call back from dispatch in 10 mins. got the call a half hour later...was told tech would arrive in 45 minutes. 2 hours pass.. it's now 3pm, i call the local office and notes stay tech met me..and "informed the customer install must be rescheduled due to rain." i think i deserve one month's free service or something...i waited around all freaking day for this guy. if i didn't want directv so badly, i'd cancel the whole thing. rescheduled for th. morning first appointment. URGH!
on a positive note... it is raining and it's beautiful!
i think there's a house under here somewhere... i survived the weekend...yay!! my girlfriend is amazing... she moved around all the furniture in the house, so the movers would have some place to put all the boxes and furniture, while i dealt with them at my old place. now i get to unpack.. oh joy! i can't wait til it's done so i can start enjoying the fact that i just moved in with the love of my life.
there is nothing like standing on stage, singing beautiful complicated music surrounded by superbly talented women. that's vox femina. working with this phenomenal group of women is one of the most satisfying musical experiences i've ever had, not to mention all the additional benefits such as the great friendships i'm making, or the partner i only dreamed of meeting.
it was a great weekend of singing... i really didn't think we'd pull it off, since the rehearsal process was less than joyous this time around. now onto our last guest conductor, Nancy Sulahian...looking forward to this one...hoping she's as fabulous as i've heard.
right about now i'm wondering.. what the hell was i thinking... i can survive.. i will not collapse!
my vox femina concert is this weekend, sat and sunday and i haven't even memorized all my music yet. the movers are coming 9am tmw morning to the pasadena house... hoping they only take 4 hours, so i'm not charged a fortune. tonight, t and i spend the evening clearing out space in her (almost our) place for all my crap arriving tmw. after recovering from moving and concert 1, friends are coming over sunday morning to pick up our furniture doubles (you know all the things you now have 2 of... who really needs 2 microwaves anyway??). then shower, change and back off to pasadena for concert 2. last, but not least, vox after party sunday night. then, t's dad is visiting for a few days/fixing plumbing/rewiring electricity amidst the boxes. oh, and we're having directv installed tuesday. i'm sure i missed something.
wish me luck and come see the concert if you get a chance!
it feels like i just moved in... oh wait i did...in august...ugh!!! packing up my apartment was actually a lot easier than i imagined, thanks to tee and yoshi...they're amazing! and yoshi helped out looking like this ... i'm still trying to figure out how to make it up to her.
trying to figure out what to do with all our stuff, who to give it to, how to coordinate pickups and drop offs since we're getting rid of almost half of our furniture is a pain in the ass. i know the end result will be great, joyous even..but in the meantime, it's less than fun and exciting.
i've been on metformin for about 1 1/2 months and i've gained 10 lbs, which is the opposite of its intended effect. it's a medication i "have to" take because I have PCOS. I tried to go on this crap once before and just couldn't stomach it. it made me horribly sick... in fact, it seems i had all the side effects, even the more obscure. i was completely nauseated, exhausted no matter how much sleep i got, anemic, freezing (couldn't seem to regulate my body temperature) and severly depressed. i couldn't even work out because it increased my nausea so drastically i threw up (happened every time i tried.) i called my doctor and she took me off the meds. i've been off for a week and i feel like me ol' self again, but now i get to try metformin extended release to see if the side effects are reduced. this has definitely convinced me i need to do a lot more research on PCOS, so i understand exactly what the hell is going on and figure out treatment options for myself, rather than relying solely on the doc's prognosis.
hormones are powerful things... i've spent 29 years of my life with screwed up hormones and they've definitely had a major effect on shaping my identity, my personality and wreaking havoc with my self-esteem... try dieting and exercising your whole life (from the age of 4) and gaining weight regardless of what you do, and that's not even the worst of the symptoms.
the last 2 years have been an odd roller coaster of positive and negative consequences causing many mixed feelings about the process and potential end result... i haven't really felt like "myself" for awhile...which is not necessarily a bad thing, but disconcerting, nonetheless. i made the decision that i would be open to going along for the ride and seeing where all this hormone regulating took me, so here i am almost half way and i'm not convinced... guess i'll give it the full 5 years.
that was after spending the night before watching GMCLA (Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles) perform at the ROXY celebrating yoshi's birthday.
to meet the rooster at mcdonald's?? wish i had my camera. random moment...while pulling through the drivethrough window, spotted a rooster and 2 chickens clucking around the bushes between the cars...priceless.
perhaps they were cast members for an upcoming advertising campaign to promote "free-range" organically grown chicken... slaughtered and served at a restaurant near you.
i'm getting kicked out... well, i was planning on moving in with the dream woman in april or may, but now it's definite. my landlords are getting a divorce, one partner just moved out and i have a little over 30 days to pack up all my crap and move to la.
i was really excited about starting our life together, about making the "choice," but i let myself become really depressed by the tense landlord/friend situation since i had become their unofficial confidante (otherwise known as: the triangulated tennant) and lost some of my initial joy.
in an attempt to recapture that enthusiastic spirit, i helped my partner install brand new levolor 2" faux wood blinds in her condo. it completely changes the look of the house... they are so beautiful!!!
i think it really helped me refocus on what i want and reconnect with my happiness about cohabitating. i can't wait to move in!
if you missed out while it was playing LA, find out where it's heading next, and see eve ensler's the good body.
an amazing analysis of women's relationship with our bodies, ensler draws on womens' perspectives from around the globe, exploring the lengths women go to for cultural acceptance. by shining a spotlight on our neurotic obsession with our bodies, an extraordinarily transformative result is possible: acceptance. if you've ever struggled with your weight, or felt your body was never quite good enough, this play is a must.
i felt happier and more content with my body than i have in years. it dredged up years of pain, yet did so while poking fun at the utterly ridiculous relationships we each have with our despised body parts, pointing out what a waste of time and precious energy it is to constantly worry that our bodies do not fit the stereotypical western/cosmopolitan model.
who decided that a woman can't be a size 12/14 and be beautiful exactly as she is? the play fueled my anger, frustration and dissapointment over many women's tendency to focus on losing pounds because there is something "wrong" or "bad" about being over a size 8. this is then heightened when i am judged for not caring as much as they do. i refuse to be swept away in la's ever-present hyper-fit insanity. i do wish to be more fit, but because i want more energy... i am tired of always feeling like my life can't begin until i lose weight and that there is something wrong with me. i am fed up with random people i don't even know thinking i need their diet advice. And, those of you who responded to this post, I wasn't referring to you.
anyway, back to the point.. go see the show!
hmm.. is that oragel remnant i just shoved up my nose or toothpaste? all i know is i had an itch, i scratched it, and all of a sudden my nose was freezing cold, my nasal passage was clear, and it was a bit numb.
always wash hands before touching the nose... my new mantra. well, at least i could breathe again and i went to bed minty fresh.
My curiostiy was piqued when the President promised to fund alternative energy research, while reducing dependence on foreign oil. for a split second i actually enjoyed a moment of excitement.. it was quickly dashed when i remembered the man is a nazi who only made the remark out of that get-back-at-the-bully 5-year-old mentality, and was simply using a ploy to gain supporters from the left and to bolster continued support for the war.
From yesterday’s New York Times:
The Energy Department will begin laying off researchers at the National Renewable Energy Laboratory in the next week or two because of cuts to its budget. A veteran researcher said the staff had been told that the cuts would be concentrated among researchers in wind and biomass, which includes ethanol. Those are two of the technologies that Mr. Bush cited on Tuesday night as holding the promise to replace part of the nation's oil imports...
utterly ridiculous.. but i've decided this is the only way i can keep my sanity: scheduling the minutia. it's helping maintain my focus without feeling that panicked overwhelmed feeling. only 11 minutes past my bed time and i accomplished everything on my list and then some. hmmm.. probably has something to do with a couple of my classes canceling today, giving me more time to write out the schedule in the first place.
tmw is a very long day... i'm even trying to fit in a workout.
after two 13-hour days, i'm about wiped out. started working 40 hours again.. which for an interpreter is far too much. (scratch that... for an interpreter who fails to administer sufficient self-care, it's far too much. but, all that is changing now that i'm transforming my philosophical framework. yup, that's right... decided the one that's guided me for the past 30 years is rather antiquated and inefficient and an upgrade is in the works.) add the new schedule to my million and one extra-curricular activities and it spells one tired pup. plus, my to-do list is ridiculously long now that i have no free time for errand-running.
although february is my absolute favorite month, it's a little overwhelming this year. luckily it's all positive. it's valentine's day, my one year anniversary, my friend's bday, my bday, i'm initiating into a coven, and i'm taking my final national certification test for interpreting (still positive... just scary). i also have to renew my license, which involves a trip to the DMV (URGH!) oh, and then there are the other 999,993 things i have to do. phew! ok.. now off to bed.
a new talent was discovered last night when i brought sleep talking to an entirely new level. i've mastered the art of singing myself to sleep. although i thought this was supposed to be a conscious endeavor, apparently i've learned to navigate sleep cycles with song. maybe i'm regressing and needed soothing for some reason, or perhaps i'm a zebra finch. whatever the reason, my partner came to bed to find me humming random pitches with each breath. hmmm...composing a masterpiece/ practicing my choir music??... maybe i was dreaming of wooing my mate.
there's finally food in my house... yay! i think i've avoided grocery shopping since i arrived from portugal, which is over one month without food (or rather, one month of eating out, because we all know i don't starve myself..ha) i actually miss cooking... it's the strangest phenomenon.. must be another sign of aging. grocery shopping was even fun (probably cuz i went with the pretty lady and everything is always more fun with her).
if you're anything like me and don't enjoy shopping that much, you probably buy things when you need them and not when you see something cute in the window. well, i also tend to buy things in bulk to avoid returning to the dreaded stores more often than is absolutely needed. while this is a great strategy, or so i thought, it has inherent pitfalls. a couple years ago, i bought four cute little victoria's secret bras and while i didn't expect them to last forever, i guess i never anticipated this would happen.
in the last week, the remaining three bras broke (the underwire stabbing me after needling its way through the fabric). my girlfriend swears i'm growing, but i just don't see it.
my suggestion: spread out bra purchases to several times a year, lest becoming braless. luckily, i had gift certificates from christmas, so i was able to replenish the stock and have all new toys.
ever have one of those days? today is that day...i felt so motivated to get things done this morning and now i can't seem to do much but sit, nap, feed, hydrate occasionally....apparently my cat alterego has taken over.
i was "supposed to" meaning i commited/gave my word that i'd haul myself out to an all-day creative memories scrapbooking event a co-worker has been trying to convince me to attend for the past 6 months. i suppose it could be fun, although i'm having a difficult time imagining it as anything but it's own special kind of hell. the main deterent at this point is probably the company... i really can't imagine whipping out romantic pictures of my girlfriend and i on vacation and asking for decorating pointers from christian fundamentalists. a little too vulnerable for my liking.
think i forgot i had a blog. actually, guess i was just being a good little pagan following the earth's cycles, since i spent much of the time between samhain to winter solstice turned inward trying to move as slowly as possible when not scheduled to the hilt. Here's a quick recap of the past few months...may extrapolate on a few of the events in other posts, since a few were/are life-altering:
october:
- 9th season of vox femina began with our first concert (oh how i miss donald brinegar!)
- asked to direct vagina monologues...got very excited, then freaked out, then excited. end result: will direct feb. 2007. woohoo!
november:
- traveled to Portugal with my dream woman for a two-week vacation...first time back in 15 years after living there as a teenager. I'll post some pics. it was a truly magickal trip.
- watched harry potter #4 twice (once with portuguese subtitles). Now I'm reading the book.. kind of backassward, i realize.
december:
- well, the holidays were hectic as usual. spent christmas eve with my sweet brother jason who spoiled me rotten and bought me the new 30GB IPOD. I've been playing around downloading music, videos, pictures.. it's all very exciting.
- flew back and spent christmas with tee's family...loved the curbside gift-opening pitstop, loved the kids' excitement.. heart very full!
- the flu
- quiet new year's eve.. time with s, m & n (still miss you..wasn't enough time)...watched the ball drop..saw dick clark back after his stroke.. felt old...kissed my beautiful girlfriend...felt alive...perfect night...will we ever remember to drink?
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